Nineteen days away from our former home, actually a little more have passed. Having finally the time where I could pursue my interests, my passions and my art I feel the tightness and the constriction of not having my own space.
I still try to find my own rhythm and wonder if I could just do the things I would love to do in a limited and restricted surrounding. But at the same time it feels like trying this in an camp – not a very good idea..
The thought that we could rent a place where we can spread out a little more, where I could work within my own creativity is not only tempting but seems to be just wonderful…
And now just some few minutes later I did find my space, a place where I am at home and feel comfort and rest – my inner space.
Probably two or even three years ago I started to listen every so often to the dharma talks on i-tunes called “Zencast”. Looking back, I can see that listening to this podcast I created / cultivated a space within me where I am at peace, for at least the time of the talk.
Tonight I listened to it for the first time here in Germany and a warm, calm feeling of being home, of having my own space arose.
Interesting to experience, that when the need of physical space is so high, the inner space, calmness or peace can bring the same feeling of freedom. I do wonder if this is the way people who have to endure times of being imprisoned can actually survive the constriction of the physical space.
„Wo man die Seele baumeln lassen kann“ is a German expression which is difficult to translate in a direct way. So I have to do my own translation for it with “where the mind can immerse in relaxation”.
Today we stopped at one of my favorite coffee places, other than in the US, most people actually sit down to enjoy a real cup (not a paper cup with plastic lit) of coffee.
Just sitting there for 20 min. I could feel how my mind dipped into a huge pot of relaxation, almost like sitting in a warm hot tub, where all the big and small muscles or in my case all the big and small worries dissolve for the time sitting there, smelling and tasting the coffee and having some fine light conversation about…nothing important.
The first time since I am here,where I was dipping my mind in this huge pot of relaxation was a moment, perhaps just three minutes in a church of my mother’s hometown, where only some few people where in the church, holding this quietness together in such a way that the quietness became so present that one could feel it, almost as someone would place his hand on my shoulder. These are the moments, just some few minutes which I love so much and which are for myself so easily accessible here.
Well, at least as long I do not have to work….
Tomorrow it will be a week since we left SF. Since 6 days I am back with my parents and since this time four really good old friends contacted me, a good old friend connected with my husband and he will meet with two people he connected with while we were still in the US, next week.
Not only the new/ old connections here but also the friends and family we had to leave behind in the US who ask about our journey and who stay in touch with us help us that we do not feel like free-falling.
It really feels like a safety net, to have in addition to our family and friends, people who connect with us already in the first week. It is an amazing feeling of comfort and care, not only from the ones who love us but also form the universe, that things seemingly fall in place.
Taking day by day, sleeping as much as we need and keeping our focus on the final goal feels just good.
And yet I still have difficulties to fall asleep and trust that all will in deed fall in place and we will continue very soon with our lives.
Once the elephant comes home to its roots, to his beginning years he has the chance to see old, sometimes forgotten and overcome patters.
It is interesting to see how we can change over the years, how different people and different cultures can help us to either overcome old patterns or create new patterns and sometimes to learn to overcome what once hold us back in a place we did not want to belong to.
Being back here in Germany with my family brings back memories of old times, times in which I saw things in a different light other than I can see them today.
Having the experience of a different culture and a lifestyle influenced by different people and thought concepts makes it interesting to look again at things which once where so familiar. Discovering that these same things can be looked at and experienced in a new way.
Sometimes it is difficult for the people who have known you before to see you as the person you have become and to overwrite and newly learn to get to know you as you are today.
It is a great learning experience for yourself, to let your friends and family develop and to get to know them over and over again not assuming that the person you once knew is still the same old person. Look out for the new addition of the one they have become and enjoy them as you would enjoy the new volume of an ongoing novel.