You can’t influence time. There is no way that you are able to speed up time or jump over it like it would be a big boulder in front of your path. You also cannot stop time or hold it tight to you as you would like to do it with your loved one.
Somehow the funny thing is, that in these transition times the only thing you can do is being present. It seems to be a rare state of being in our time since we are so used to hurry on and to plan one thing after the other and run from one thing to the other.
Being somehow like captured in a place – the place of transition is almost surreal. There was once a dharma talk on someone who comes home recognizing that his home was emptied out by robbers with nothing left behind and how this experience was for a short time a freeing moment after the first shock and before all the worries that follow. There it was that moment of emptiness, of being in the present which is so free from everything.
Somehow today I feel like this, being in the in between without the power of moving anything any faster than it is.
Problems become problems if we put our expectations and wanting in a specific time frame. Once we disregard time it is much easier to accept things as they are in the present moment.
In my situation it means that it is not a problem to look for a job (or especially a job I really would love) if I would give myself enough time.
When we left California and we planned the next new beginning, we had a very particular idea of how fast things would materialize. Coming closer to this time line (I had in my mind – four to six weeks) I realize how much tension is building up in me, how I was feeling an urge of completion. Not to panic and to stay cool in our situation is a challenge but it is the only way to reach the goal we set for ourselves some months ago.
If I think about the irrationality of setting myself an exact date of completing my job search and finding a place to live, it is almost ridiculous.
It seems to me as I would like to tell my plants and vegetables to grow faster and to be ripe on exactly that day I want them to be ready.
Thankfully with plants we are all much smarter and we know that we can only influence so many parameters, but with ourselves, we think that we are not effected by any laws of nature and absolutely independent.
But as much as I know for the plants, I know that if I do my very best of planning and “watering my plants” my goals and plans will realize just like a tomato will ripe eventually (unless it will rain the whole summer – but this is nature).
In the meantime, I will try to enjoy the beauty of each day and not give up to want my tomato salad but to be patient for the tomatoes to ripe so that in the end I will be able to enjoy a delicious tomato salad.