being tired isn’t easy to admit


when one asks me why I quit my job, I tell them I needed a break, but normally do not share how tired I am, tired in a way of being exhausted and unable to partake in normal daily activities.

There is that part of shame involved which needs me to admit that I am weak or better not strong enough to combat with the day to day work as an architect. I need to distance myself for a while to re-consider the work and to rethink my idea of an ethical life in relation with my profession.

Even though I highly enjoy the work itself, it was a challenge to navigate through so many untruthful situations. Once a car dealer told me that the only less ethical work sector besides selling used cars (and he knew it was true for his part..) is the building sector. Somehow after the past years, having worked in high end luxury retail I now know what he meant.

For the last few weeks my sleeping pattern got even worth instead of better, which let me decide today, that it is time starting to embrace the weakness and the tiredness and giving myself some rest.
That is why today’s butterfly shows that he too has to fight and can be tired besides being a small, tender, not scary being in the world…
Butterfly 3 is the tired and worn out one….

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