Tomorrow it will be a week since we left SF. Since 6 days I am back with my parents and since this time four really good old friends contacted me, a good old friend connected with my husband and he will meet with two people he connected with while we were still in the US, next week.
Not only the new/ old connections here but also the friends and family we had to leave behind in the US who ask about our journey and who stay in touch with us help us that we do not feel like free-falling.
It really feels like a safety net, to have in addition to our family and friends, people who connect with us already in the first week. It is an amazing feeling of comfort and care, not only from the ones who love us but also form the universe, that things seemingly fall in place.
Taking day by day, sleeping as much as we need and keeping our focus on the final goal feels just good.
And yet I still have difficulties to fall asleep and trust that all will in deed fall in place and we will continue very soon with our lives.
Once the elephant comes home to its roots, to his beginning years he has the chance to see old, sometimes forgotten and overcome patters.
It is interesting to see how we can change over the years, how different people and different cultures can help us to either overcome old patterns or create new patterns and sometimes to learn to overcome what once hold us back in a place we did not want to belong to.
Being back here in Germany with my family brings back memories of old times, times in which I saw things in a different light other than I can see them today.
Having the experience of a different culture and a lifestyle influenced by different people and thought concepts makes it interesting to look again at things which once where so familiar. Discovering that these same things can be looked at and experienced in a new way.
Sometimes it is difficult for the people who have known you before to see you as the person you have become and to overwrite and newly learn to get to know you as you are today.
It is a great learning experience for yourself, to let your friends and family develop and to get to know them over and over again not assuming that the person you once knew is still the same old person. Look out for the new addition of the one they have become and enjoy them as you would enjoy the new volume of an ongoing novel.
the past few days reminded me on a scene of the movie “finding Nemo”, when the two fish entering and riding the current to south east Australia.
What that picture holds for me is that you enter some kind of time stream on one side of the world and then get spit out on the other side.
It is hard to describe how fast the last days went by and how impossible it was to think further then the next minute ahead. The complex tasks to finalize all and to pack everything up as well as figuring out how to ship the remaining twelve boxes was so much that my brain could not content one more little thought.
Thankfully celebrating christmas with a loving family and friends created a space where we had a break from the organizational stuff and were able to get in touch with the feelings related to that big move and transition.
I know that there is so much still to reflect on and to process that it will take more time and more sentences in the future.
Right now all there is left are some few hours to terminate the old year 2010 and to start the new one which will hold so much change for us.
“Thanks god to a great moving service…” This is how I started the post this afternoon before I was left behind with 20 boxes…..
After a daylong having movers in the house (although most boxes where packed) I am exhausted and confused.
I did packed 40 boxes, there where two bikes, two chairs, some art work and kitchen stuff, glasses, pots and pans. Sooooo why do I still have 20 boxes??? I guess the person who estimated how much we can fit in a 200 cu.ft wooden create was a very optimistic person…
And what now??? I could draw a 20 feet height question mark which would reflect my current state of mind.
Lesson learned ?
Since days now it is raining and storming outside and inside. On one hand side this is good, so I can’t leave the house, on the other hand it is reflecting my mood.
Only two days left and the movers are coming to pick up our stuff. This means under normal circumstances I should fly through the house and throw all things in a box, BUT it’s not easy. With every little thing you have to think twice if you will still need it to the last minute or if you can let it go for the next two to three month, the time all the things will disappear in a box and travel around half the world…
The other storm is internal and related to all the organization things, like selling stuff over the internet. Thanks god for Craigslist and at the same time damn this service which has put us so much under pressure. Apparently Craiglist has a way to “ghost” postings – you post something but it never will show up… It would be a too time consuming to explain it but you can google it. Like in live things always choose to become a problem when you definitely don’t want to deal with it…10 days before leaving the country and being in the need of selling two cars, Craigslist has put us on the spot to waste hours figuring out how to solve this issue.
Finally we did figured it out and at the same time the weather decided to make it impossible to show the cars to anyone. Rain and storm and a pretty dark sky is not the kind of backdrop someone would like to choose to go out and check out a used car..
and this is how I feel today 🙂
When you have to pack boxes and you have to decide what to take with you and what to leave behind in order to minimize shipping cost you quickly learn a lesson about attachment and the meaning of mine.
I discovered that it is much easier to let go my husbands belongings then my stuff. I would ask him if he really want to ship that particular green coat (which I never really liked), or his collection of extra heavy yearbooks where you would have to spend hours of looking through them to discover him in a group photo only his head showing in the size of the my pinky finger fingernail.
Versus I was certain that it would be very important to pack most of my books I read once but moved them about four times during last years, or the sweater which hangs since years in the closet and tells me that I will dearly regret it tomorrow if I give it away today.
Inspired by a dharma talked I listened to I figured out that we care about things much more if we gave them our name and made them to a part of mine.
Heike’s book is much closer to me than Eric’s book, but for Eric it is reversed. Interesting is also that the attached grows with the time it belongs to us and the time we spend together with the thing. I wonder if we make the things to something human, that we create a relation to it as if this thing is our best friend or worse a the things are part of us and define who we are…
It takes some mind ticking to let the things go and tell yourself that the thing is just a thing. I practice this with our sofa, one of my most favorite places to be in our house. Perhaps it helped that the sofa is from Ikea and Ikea thankfully exists also in Swiss and Germany….But it is a practice and you really have to train the letting go.
A thought which heped me was the question of what was the thing and what was I befor the thing became mine? And what happes if the thing goes away, do I change then or does it make me less me of who I am?
how often did I hear this, “you just have to let go” and yet the practice and the experience can be so different, sometimes difficult and sometimes easy.
Letting go of an annoying coworker is difficult while you have to work on a daily basis with him or her, but letting go of the person once you have left the job is easy.
Letting go of people you love is different, it isn’t easy and it won’t become easier with time, or perhaps yes?
I think about all the great people I have met here during the last 6 1/2 years and the friendships which grew over time. I know that I will miss them, but I also know that I will somehow stay connected with the once close to my heard…
I think once you realize, that nothing is forever, even the loss of something or someone isn’t forever, it gets easier to let go. The experience teaches me that there are great people all over the world and by letting go of your friends, new ones will come and yet you can always stay connected, with all of them and if it is only in your spirit. We are all connected anyway..